STEP 1: GET THE VENOM OUT
The victim has a right to be pissed as long as they need to be to feel better.
STEP 2: DECIDE ON A SHORT TERM PLAN
What are you two going to do immediately through the next few weeks.
STEP 3: CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
After the initial devastation has occurred, parameters must be set up in the relationship while the work is being done.
STEP 4: DOING THE WORK
A large amount of the work is going to be to identify whatever issues led to the cheating and figure out the steps needed to find resolve.
STEP 5: IT WILL PROBABLY GET WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER
Cheating ruins relationships and fixing things is going to be a rough, long journey.
STEP 6: NO SECRETS
To put it bluntly, (and make no bones about it), if you cheat, you completely relinquish your right to privacy until your partner can find a way to trust you again.
STEP 7: NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION
As the cheater, you will need to answer any and all questions posed to you by the victim about your infidelity, whenever you are asked.
STEP 8: KEEPING YOURSELF SAFE
As the cheater, you are going to have to learn to keep yourself safe from ever cheating again.
STEP 9: WHEN ARE YOU OUT OF THE WOODS?
I would always be careful with this answer. However, if i had to answer it, it is when all aspects of the infidelity are understood, articulated, and repaired. When both partners will that it is true and the cheater clearly has no desire left to ever cheat.
STEP 10: ONLY TIME HEALS THE WOUNDS
Probably the most important thing to remember in this process is that healing takes time.
These 10 Steps are more thoroughly explained in my book Entitled Infidelity. You can purchase it on Amazon. Additionally, if infidelity has impacted your relationship, you can also contact us today for an immediate free session. I offer Santa Clarita Marriage Counseling.